Online Strories
Humorous
It all happened on a dark and stormy night. The lighting was lighting up the sky, the thunder was thundering in the clouds, and the rain was raining on my back. I didn’t feel the wet because I was on a mission. An important mission. I was too distracted to pay attention to any splashing raindrops. Another reason is that I was wearing a big heavy trench coat I had borrowed from a neighbor to look the part. My name is…(drum roll), Harlow Doyle Private Eye. My mission was to find crime and give it a good swift kick. Ok, back to my story. It all happened on a dark and stormy night. The lighting was lighting up the sky, the thunder was thundering in the clouds, and the rain was raining on my shirt, I had to take off my trench coat, because summer showers are a lot hotter than winter ones, and this was a summer shower. Meanwhile, I was looking for crime, so I walked (which is less conspicuous than running), to the place every single person in this town goes to eventually; Whit’s End. Inside I found three clues. A spotless counter, a warm sponge, and a whistling Eugene (who was wiping the counter with the sponge until it was spotless). I strolled (which is less conspicuous than walking, and a lot more inconspicuous than running) on up to Eugene. He raised his head, and gave a little yelp when he saw me.“ I was too preoccupied sponging down this immaculate counter. My robust reflexes provoked me into elongating my oral chords when you disrupted my delicate metabolism of contemplation!”“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disrupt your oral chords sponging down an incarnate counter. I thought it is better to speak the language of the person you are interrogating. So, I asked him if he had seen crime around there.“Eugene, have you seen crime anywhere around here?”“Nay, I have not perceived any crime in these quarters.” came Eugene’s reply. That reply was a bit discouraging, but I went ahead and asked him,“Is there any other people in this building that I might can ask?”“Well, no, it’s a dark and stormy night.”I had a thought. I was thinking of asking the mayor about crime, because the mayor knows almost everything about anything in this town. So I moseyed ( which is more inconspicuous than strolling, and less conspicuous than walking, and a ton more inconspicuous than running) over to the mayors office. I caught him locking up his office because it was a dark and stormy night. I asked him the same question I had asked Eugene.“Mr. Mayor, have you seen any crime around here?” and he gave the same reply.“No, I don’t think I have.” So I started (which is more conspicuous than moseying, and less inconspicuous than strolling, and a lot more conspicuous than walking, and almost as conspicuous as running) home, given up on finding crime. I was pulling my house key from out of my trench coat pocket, when I felt myself falling down to the ground. I felt a wet slobbery nose on my cheek.“Crime!” I exclaimed. I got up all happy inside because I had found crime, or he found me. And that I could return the trench coat to my neighbor. I was to happy to see crime I forgot about giving him a swift kick. I unlocked the door and lead crime into his kennel. His kennel was unlocked, and I wondered how it became unlocked, because I specifically remembered locking it, but that is another story.
It all happened on a dark and stormy night. The lighting was lighting up the sky, the thunder was thundering in the clouds, and the rain was raining on my back. I didn’t feel the wet because I was on a mission. An important mission. I was too distracted to pay attention to any splashing raindrops. Another reason is that I was wearing a big heavy trench coat I had borrowed from a neighbor to look the part. My name is…(drum roll), Harlow Doyle Private Eye. My mission was to find crime and give it a good swift kick. Ok, back to my story. It all happened on a dark and stormy night. The lighting was lighting up the sky, the thunder was thundering in the clouds, and the rain was raining on my shirt, I had to take off my trench coat, because summer showers are a lot hotter than winter ones, and this was a summer shower. Meanwhile, I was looking for crime, so I walked (which is less conspicuous than running), to the place every single person in this town goes to eventually; Whit’s End. Inside I found three clues. A spotless counter, a warm sponge, and a whistling Eugene (who was wiping the counter with the sponge until it was spotless). I strolled (which is less conspicuous than walking, and a lot more inconspicuous than running) on up to Eugene. He raised his head, and gave a little yelp when he saw me.“ I was too preoccupied sponging down this immaculate counter. My robust reflexes provoked me into elongating my oral chords when you disrupted my delicate metabolism of contemplation!”“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disrupt your oral chords sponging down an incarnate counter. I thought it is better to speak the language of the person you are interrogating. So, I asked him if he had seen crime around there.“Eugene, have you seen crime anywhere around here?”“Nay, I have not perceived any crime in these quarters.” came Eugene’s reply. That reply was a bit discouraging, but I went ahead and asked him,“Is there any other people in this building that I might can ask?”“Well, no, it’s a dark and stormy night.”I had a thought. I was thinking of asking the mayor about crime, because the mayor knows almost everything about anything in this town. So I moseyed ( which is more inconspicuous than strolling, and less conspicuous than walking, and a ton more inconspicuous than running) over to the mayors office. I caught him locking up his office because it was a dark and stormy night. I asked him the same question I had asked Eugene.“Mr. Mayor, have you seen any crime around here?” and he gave the same reply.“No, I don’t think I have.” So I started (which is more conspicuous than moseying, and less inconspicuous than strolling, and a lot more conspicuous than walking, and almost as conspicuous as running) home, given up on finding crime. I was pulling my house key from out of my trench coat pocket, when I felt myself falling down to the ground. I felt a wet slobbery nose on my cheek.“Crime!” I exclaimed. I got up all happy inside because I had found crime, or he found me. And that I could return the trench coat to my neighbor. I was to happy to see crime I forgot about giving him a swift kick. I unlocked the door and lead crime into his kennel. His kennel was unlocked, and I wondered how it became unlocked, because I specifically remembered locking it, but that is another story.
